Super Simple Solutions to DECREASE Teacher Stress When Making Phone Calls Home

If you surveyed 100 teachers and asked them the question, what are the things that you dislike most about the profession?

What answers do you think would pop up?

What do you think would be common things that teachers would say?

I’m going to guess that grading papers is probably on the list.

I’m going to assume that dealing with disgruntled students is probably there as well.

But if I had to predict the number one answer, as if I was playing a game of Family Feud, I would buzz in and I would say “Calling Parents!”

I’m going to guess that calling parents is at the top of so many teachers list.

In fact, I’m kind of curious, is it at the top of yours?

What I want to share are four super simple, but very strategic solutions on how we can de-stress those phone calls when we are calling home.

There are some very simple statements that if we casually slide those into a conversation, I can nearly guarantee that your number one answer on your family feud list of things that you dislike the most about teaching, it won’t be calling home anymore.

In fact, I recently used my very own strategies that I’m going to share with you, on a call that I predicted was going to be problematic.

And when I hung up the phone, I had a huge smile on my face because I thought that went so well.

So whether you are a new teacher or a veteran teacher, I’m confident that these four simple ideas are going to help you the next time you make a phone call home.

Let’s get into these ideas.

*This blog post was downloaded from the audio transcript of the This Teacher Life podcast. To listen to the audio version go here 

One of my favorite things about my teacher life is making phone calls home.

And I’m not kidding at all.

This is something that I actually value so much.

And over the course of my 15 plus career, I have found that it’s not as bad as what we make it sometimes, especially if we have the correct framework and if we have just some simple sentences that are going to decrease our teacher stress.

Now, in the season premiere episode of this past season of This Teacher Life podcast, I actually talk a lot about how I make phone calls home.

In a majority of the time, students are involved in that process.

So if you haven’t heard that episode, I highly recommend going to the premiere episode for this past season because that is how I make a majority of my phone calls.

However, I also understand that there is definitely a time and place for a student to not be a part of that phone call.

Maybe you need to dig a little bit deeper.

Maybe there is something that you don’t want the student to hear, and you need to have just truly an adult conversation with the student’s adults.

I don’t like calling these parent phone calls because we live in a world where a lot of my students especially are not necessarily living with their parents.

I call them living with their raisins.

Could be mom, could be dad, could be a step-parent, could be an adoptive parent, could be a foster parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, neighbor, some other trusted adult.

So I do call these calls home or raisin phone calls because I want to have a conversation with whoever is raising these awesome kids.

So I told you that there was a call recently that I needed to make and I was really nervous to make it.

And if I’m fine, if I’m being just completely transparent, this call was probably about a week overdue.

I knew that I needed to call this raisin because the student was struggling a little bit and I didn’t want it to escalate.

And so I think sometimes we’re like, oh, this is not gonna go well.

I don’t know about you, but I find the conversations that go best are when the raisins also happen to be a part of education.

Right?

Like if you are calling another teacher, if you are calling somebody who maybe works within a school system, they get the ins and outs of education today.

And so oftentimes those phone calls go really well because it almost feels like you’re talking to a colleague.

But that’s not super common that we as a teacher are calling a raisin who happens to also be an educator.

A majority of the time, part of the reason why our phone calls are so difficult is because we feel like we have to provide so much context.

Context about the school setting, context about behavior, context about expectations.

And that’s not the raisins fault that they need that context.

They’re just not doing life in a school every single day.

So sometimes they will get a little bit anxious.

They will get a little bit frustrated because they can’t see the whole picture.

So it’s our job as teachers to paint the clearest picture possible while also getting great communication to happen.

And so how do we get great communication to happen?

Let me give you the very first tip.

Before I dive in to what I want to talk about, I start with something super simple like, Hi, this is Monica Genta calling from the junior high, right?

Super simple.

Your name, where you’re calling from.

Because oftentimes our calls are coming through as a blocked number.

And I will, this is just kind of a bonus tip.

A bonus tip before we’ve even gotten in into the other tips.

I think that if the first time the raisin doesn’t answer, call back immediately.

Because oftentimes, myself included, I don’t pick up numbers that I don’t recognize because of all the robo-callers that exist these days.

But robo-callers never call back to back.

And so what I have found is raisins will answer.

If you call, it goes to voicemail.

Don’t leave a voicemail.

Call back almost immediately, like 30 seconds later.

I am telling you, the frequency at which you will get an answer if you call back immediately is going to increase exponentially, okay?

So I say, hey, this is Monica calling from the junior high.

And then I say this.

I know that you are super busy right now, but I had something I wanted to talk with you about is now a good time.

Do you know why that’s such a powerful first statement?

Two reasons.

One, I think we live in a world where people are busy.

And even if you’re like, yeah, this parent’s not busy, like, because sometimes we get a little negative and nasty.

We’re like, yeah, this parent doesn’t work.

Or, yeah, this parent can pick up the phone.

I know, like, no, no, no, no, no.

Get rid of all of that negative emotion about this raisin that you might have and start with this.

I know that you are really busy right now.

So is now a good time to connect?

Because I got something that I would like to chat with you about.

Do you know what that’s doing?

That’s giving the raisin an out.

It’s giving the adult an out.

And the reason why that’s important is because I can guarantee you, this call is not going to be productive or proactive or positive.

If this adult is going to get in trouble because they’re taking a call at work, or that they’ve got a break in five minutes, and it’s going to be a more productive conversation, if they can just call you back in five minutes.

So why not set ourself up for success and start with I know you’re really busy.

Don’t just say, but I’ll take a couple of your seconds.

No, no, no, just ask them.

Like let them play a role in this because oftentimes adults are caught off guard when a teacher is calling.

That can be an extremely intimidating situation.

Again, a lot of these adults that were calling have not been a part of a school system since they were in high school.

And so now all of a sudden, a teacher is calling them while they’re at work, that’s intimidating.

So when you let them opt in to the conversation, that can be a game changer for the phone call.

Additionally, you’re saying like, hey, I know your time is valuable.

I know you’re really busy.

Because I think that’s just a symbol of respect.

You’re busy, I’m busy is now a good time.

So that’s number one.

Might as well get the call off on a really positive foot, okay?

The second thing, usually when we are calling home, and not always, but usually it’s because something’s not going great.

Do I believe in positive praise phone calls?

Yeah, pick up the phone and make some positive praise phone calls.

Absolutely, no doubt about it.

But oftentimes what we are seeking is support.

We are seeking to communicate that something has gone wrong.

That’s just the reality of a raise in phone call.

And so oftentimes what happens is we say like, that they won’t stop touching each other, or the student’s being super disrespectful, or your child is missing three assignments, or right?

We like to get to like the point of the matter.

And the question is, are we also bringing solutions?

Like, here are some ideas.

I’m sure we’re bringing some good solutions.

But the reason why this is tip number two is, do you know who probably has some great solutions?

The adult who lives with them.

The reality is we spend eight hours a day with kids.

But those kids have spent eight hours a day with their raisins, most of them for their entire life.

So what is tip number two?

After you’ve kind of explained what the problem is, why don’t we create an opportunity for that raisin?

To give some solutions.

How do you do that?

By asking, are you seeing this at home?

And what is something that you have found that helps with that at home?

I think parents, raisins, grandparents, whoever is raising those kids, they love to feel like the expert on their own child because they are.

That’s just the reality.

So the fact of the matter is, if it’s a disorganizational thing, for example, I’m having a hard time getting assignments from your student, it feels like they’re losing copies a lot or they’re turning in incomplete work because they’re so kind of chaotic.

Are you seeing that kind of behavior at home?

So then you’re bringing in the at home connection.

That’s really important.

Followed by, okay, what is something that you have found works really well at your house to help with that behavior?

Because how a kid cleans his room and organizes his or her room is the exact same strategy that could work for a binder, a locker, a cubby.

I think that we have to go into every single call home under the assumption that parents, raisins, whoever is in charge of this child knows something that could help us.

And when we just straight up say, from your parental perspective, from your expert opinion, is there something you could share with me that you think could really help out?

I’m telling you, that’s going to take the intimidation of this phone call from their perspective down so many notches.

And then you know what we get to do as teachers?

Listen, I think sometimes when we make these phone calls home, we’re talking, we’re talking, we’re talking, we’re talking.

And then the person on the other end of the line is just accepting the information.

And that’s important.

We need to talk and they need to accept the information.

But it should be a conversation.

And that is how you can get that conversation rolling.

So, man, I told you that these ideas were going to be really simple, but I’m telling you they’re very strategic because I think they hold a certain sentiment.

And you know what the sentiment is?

That we are actually a team and I want to support each other as a team.

All right, I’ve got two other ideas that I want to share with you.

And the third one piggybacks off of the second one.

So the second one was saying to the raisin, hey, you know what?

What do you find works at home?

And whatever they say, whether it’s something that you’re like, yeah, I thought of that, or yeah, I’ve tried that.

I don’t care if you’ve tried it.

I don’t care if you think it’s a shit idea.

Here’s what we should say.

Thank you so much for sharing that with me.

I really appreciate your perspective.

That flows right off of my tongue because I say it a lot.

Thank you so much for sharing that with me.

I really appreciate your perspective.

Do you know why that’s so important?

It’s really important to say that if you actually really like the idea.

It’s like, dang, I didn’t think of that.

Or like, oh, wow, I haven’t tried that yet.

So it’s completely genuine if you’re like, dang, I wouldn’t have thought of that.

I’m going to try that.

But even if in your head you’re thinking, yeah, that’s not going to work.

Or like, yeah, that’s not even realistic.

Or yeah, like, that’s dumb.

I realize that we shouldn’t be thinking those things sometimes, but if we’re just being 100% real and raw, like sometimes when we get ideas or we get feedback, like we think that as teachers.

And I think you can think that that’s fine.

But the reason why I say it in a very genuine way every single time is because I am thankful.

I genuinely am.

Because I am thankful that they said something.

I’m thankful that they want to play a role in this relationship.

I am thankful that they are taking time out of their day to communicate with me.

I am thankful that they know their kid well enough to even be able to respond to that question.

I am thankful that they have a perspective that is different from mine because they are there raisin.

I’m thankful.

So we should say thank you so much for sharing that.

I really appreciate your perspective.

I think thanking adults might sound obvious, but I also think when things get elevated in a phone call, sometimes it’s difficult to say thank you.

I think sometimes when the phone call is not going well, and maybe the person on the other end of the line is starting to get elevated, we want to get off the phone as fast as possible, and we forget to say thank you so much for your time.

So this is a great opportunity to express your thanks before ever hanging up the phone.

So fourth thing, fourth thing that we should do now that we’ve made sure that the timing was appropriate, we have asked for their input, we have received their input and shown gratitude to it.

Fourth thing, we are going to make sure that that person knows that they are a good raisin.

I think sometimes we nitpick the way that some people choose to parent their kids.

So, we don’t have to say that you are doing everything right.

We don’t have to say that.

But what we should say is, hey, I want to thank you so much for taking this phone call, because I know how important student X is to you, and that’s important to me.

See, in that statement, I wasn’t complimenting necessarily how they answer everything, but what I was saying is, thank you for your time.

I know how important student X is to you, and obviously, you’re inputting the kid’s name.

So, if the kid’s name is, let’s say, Donald, I just want to thank you so much for taking this call.

It’s going to be really helpful, as I help to create better situations for Donald.

And I just value your time so much, because I know how important Donald is to you, and how important you are to Donald.

Like, make it a two-way street.

Again, parent phone calls are not always going to go perfectly.

There could be some times where they’re elevating their voice and that kind of thing, but when you use these four scripts, it often is going to go much better than you predicted.

Like I said at the beginning of this episode, there was a situation recently where the four things that I just shared with you, I also shared in that phone call.

And I’m going to tell you, it went so well.

When I hung up the phone, I had a smile on my face, and I thought I was going to have an ulcer the size of Texas.

Like, it was really eating at me.

But I think it’s hard to be mad at somebody who is being complimentary.

And I think it is hard to be frustrated with somebody who is saying, hey, you’re doing a great job.

I appreciate your opinion.

And thank you for taking time out of your busy day to make this connection with me.

Now, I’m going to give another bonus tip.

And if you try all of this and you still feel like I got yelled at on the phone by the raisin, or I got cussed at on the phone by the raisin, and you feel like Monica, that plan was shit because it blew up in my face.

And what you said happened didn’t happen because they were criticizing me.

They were negative.

They were nasty.

It blew up into this whole like, I’m going to contact the school board or something wild like that because please know, I’ve been on the receiving end of that.

Here’s the final bonus tip.

If a phone call goes really poorly and you have done all of the things that I just said, you’ve done everything right, but it feels like everything went wrong.

You absolutely have permission to say, I don’t deserve to be cussed at.

I don’t deserve to be yelled at.

I need you to know that I’m going to kindly hang up the phone.

That’s my thoughts on that.

Have I ever done that?

Yes, one time in my teaching career, it got to that point.

And what do you do directly following that?

You go to your building leader.

You go to your principal, your superintendent, whoever is leading the way for these kinds of things in your building.

You go to that person and you say, I just got reamed by so-and-so, or I just got obliterated, or I just got cussed out.

You give them some context and you say, here’s the thing.

I asked if it was a good time.

I asked for their opinion.

I complimented them and I thanked them and it still blew up in my face.

I’m going to guarantee you’re going to get support from your building leader.

So do I think it’s okay to have all of the things, all of the game plans go right and then things still go wrong?

Yeah.

Then I think we just have to be proactive about protecting ourselves and saying, here’s the problem, here’s what I tried from here.

I don’t think it’s best that I make those phone calls with that person.

I think that’s totally fine.

I absolutely think that’s fine because then I think it’s your principal’s job to create some sort of intervention and make things better for you in the future.

Okay, so those are it.

Those are the four super simple solutions to decrease teacher stress when making phone calls home.

I’m curious what you think.

I want to know if you try these out on a phone call coming up and they go really, really well.

Will you reach out to me and kind of give some feedback on how that goes?

And I want to know even if it goes poorly, like reach out and we can kind of debrief and we can talk about how it went.

 

With so much love,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PS- Get support, ideas, and love for your whole school or district right here